2024, done, dusted, gone. Donated to the void. An odyssey to the roots of what is actually important to me. Interesting really. Caught me by surprise. 2022 I started to feel like shit. Angry. Tired. Full of it. No one would have known as I’m pretty good at hiding it. I wasn’t sure why. Water, food, light, people. All seemed well but I felt bad. I was doing what I love, with people that I love but I was over it. Some hard things were happening, but weren’t they for everyone? Mind you I don’t believe it was a lack of gratitude. I spent two years trying to work it out. I got super clean. Out with alcohol, sugar, gluten, dairy, drugs, late nights, processed foods. I got really fit. Spent a lot of time researching about health and wellness. Did everything right and listened to more podcasts than songs and slept well and ran more than I shot any photos. I felt a little better in my health. I felt a little less tragic. But I was confused. I had never been a sad, anxious or tired person before. Without realising my camera started to gather dust. I started to feel uneasy if I didn't move and eat like a total health freak. It was actually really cringe. I was just scared to feel bad again. So I kept it up.

It wasn’t until last year did I realise that you can’t move and eat your way into some kind of strength or cheer. I got pretty close but it didn’t mean much in the end. Yes, I had run my body into the ground and yes I did feel like shit for a few reasons. But as a woman it is so god damn easy to keep trying to fix everything. Fix your life forever and it never really does that much. I am rambling on. What I’m trying to get at is that what matters is being creative. Music. Photography. Friendship. Words. Our connection to creativity is what keeps us alive. It’s what keeps us healthy. Yes eating well and sleeping well and exercising is a big part of the picture. But fuck, life has obviously gotten pretty boring if that’s all it's about for you. That’s what happened to me. Life became all about it. Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t have had it any way. Because sometimes you’ve gotta give it all up for a minute just to reboot yourself. Especially if you’ve had some bad experiencing that make your body tired and burn out your nervous system. But don’t forget about being creative.

If you are sitting here right now reading this (good on you for even reading this far) and you are relating to feeling like shit and realising your creativity has escaped you. I urge you to pick up a film camera, a pen, and paint brush, an instrument. Something. Doesn’t even matter if you make something shit. Who cares, just make something. You probably have a diet, a workout routine, a goals list, a to do list, a life plan. Whatever. An idea about success. Money. Health. Wealth. Sex appeal. We are all drowning in it. Literally. There’s so many rights and wrongs and bars to reach and expectations to fill but none of it means anything and you realise that even more when you are eating some popcorn and you just got a roll of film back and you made a good photo.